anxiety

5 more sleeps.

Okay, here's the dilemma of the day.  I was going to just put this all out on a status update on Facebook, but then I realized that 95% of my friends have got to be TOTALLY sick of reading about running and marathoning and carb-loading, and blah blah blah.

My dilemma is this:

Reeeeeemember how super crazy I was over the past couple of months with my waking up early and my running before work?  Reeeeeeemember how I was like super duper motivated and followed Hal Higdon's training plan to the T?

Tapering has effed that up.  BIG time. 

Now some sort of switch has flipped in my brain and I'm in total "rest and recovery" mode.  Which.... is kind of the point of tapering... but I have a hard time getting up early now because I'm all like "oh... the rest and sleep are good for me!" 

So every morning that I'm supposed to run over the past week and change has been a fight between running and resting.  Resting keeps winning the battle.  And then I feel all guilty and anxious and paranoid that I am totally screwing myself.  I haven't dropped out of running totally, so I shouldn't feel SO bad? 

Here's how last week looked:

Tuesday- 4 miles scheduled.  4 miles ran.  (go me!)
Wednesday- 6 miles scheduled.  SKIPPED IT.  Told myself I'd do it on Thursday.
Thursday- Skipped yesterday's 6 miler again.
Friday- Was going to run 3 miles.... skipped it.  Figured I would make up for it on Saturday because I was going to run my long run and a 5k.
Saturday- 8 miles scheduled for the long run.  Ran 6.  A couple of hours later ran in a 5K race... well... more like ran/walked

It felt like a huge fail of a week.... but I guess I still logged 13.  AND I got some good rest and feel like I am caught up on sleep.


This week:

Today I was supposed to run 3 and have not yet run it.  Now my problem is if I am going to run, I will have to do it tonight at like 9pm.  I KNOW if I run late at night, I will be tired for TOMORROW's run. 

So, my question is:
Is today's 3 miler THAT big of a deal?  Do I have permission to stop feeling guilty?  Can I just run my 4 mile tomorrow and stop feeling terrified that I've screwed my training over the past week or so? 


My anxiety is THROUGH THE ROOF!  AAACCCKKKK!!!!!